It shouldn't bother me, but...
I know this shouldn't bother me, but it does. We can't really control how something makes us feel, only how we react to that feeling. I am choosing to blog it for my reaction.
My parents are having a very tight year financially. They are managing to get by, but have no extras. My Mom has mentioned in passing a few times that the holidays are going to be difficult. I discussed it with my husband, and we decided that the next time it came up I would mention to her that we don't expect anything from my parents, and that they could take whatever they might have planned to spend on us on their grandkids.
Today I talked to my Mom, and I told her that we didn't expect anything, and to get stuff for the kids instead. That is when she informed me that she had already decided she was going to do that. It *shouldn't* bother me, since that is what I told her to do anyway. I think it bothers me because this is just another example of how her grandkids have superceded me. She wasn't even considering me in the picture. That sounds childish, I know. I don't mean it in a "sibling rivalry" sort of way. I just sort of feel like when those kids were born, and especially after my brother passed away, my Mom stopped being my Mom and started being theirs.
I am the last living child my parents have left. I would think that would mean something to them. If I were in their situation, I think I would cherish every breath my last surviving child took. Yet, I am left feeling like I don't matter at all. Maybe that is just the natural process of it all. I don't know since I never had kids. Our daughter would have been 6 years old this month, had she survived. I wonder if she would have been as important to my Mom as S & S are? Somehow I doubt it.
Joe's mother has been a bit preoccupied thinking about grandkids recently too. I can recall at least 5 times in the past two weeks she has made a comment along the lines of...she will put up with the crap because she is afraid that she won't see her grandkids. I wonder if she will end up being like my Mom. If so, I guess that will show me that it *is* just the natural progression of things.
I guess I don't understand it. Yes, one's grandkids are part of your child... but only part. Meanwhile, your child is yours...created by you and your husband. They are 100% the two of you, not 1/4. Not that I am saying that is all that matters. It is really hard for me to explain what I am feeling. I just feel hurt that I matter very little to my Mom anymore. At one time I think she saw me as an equal to the kids. That was when my brother passed away, and she changed her will. Rather than split things in 1/2, she changed it to split things 1/3, making each of them my equal, rather than having them split my brother's 1/2.
The way things have progressed over the years, I really wouldn't be overly surprised if it went back to halves....without me included. I am not concerned about the actual "estate". My parents don't have much. It is just the symbolism of it all.
My parents are having a very tight year financially. They are managing to get by, but have no extras. My Mom has mentioned in passing a few times that the holidays are going to be difficult. I discussed it with my husband, and we decided that the next time it came up I would mention to her that we don't expect anything from my parents, and that they could take whatever they might have planned to spend on us on their grandkids.
Today I talked to my Mom, and I told her that we didn't expect anything, and to get stuff for the kids instead. That is when she informed me that she had already decided she was going to do that. It *shouldn't* bother me, since that is what I told her to do anyway. I think it bothers me because this is just another example of how her grandkids have superceded me. She wasn't even considering me in the picture. That sounds childish, I know. I don't mean it in a "sibling rivalry" sort of way. I just sort of feel like when those kids were born, and especially after my brother passed away, my Mom stopped being my Mom and started being theirs.
I am the last living child my parents have left. I would think that would mean something to them. If I were in their situation, I think I would cherish every breath my last surviving child took. Yet, I am left feeling like I don't matter at all. Maybe that is just the natural process of it all. I don't know since I never had kids. Our daughter would have been 6 years old this month, had she survived. I wonder if she would have been as important to my Mom as S & S are? Somehow I doubt it.
Joe's mother has been a bit preoccupied thinking about grandkids recently too. I can recall at least 5 times in the past two weeks she has made a comment along the lines of...she will put up with the crap because she is afraid that she won't see her grandkids. I wonder if she will end up being like my Mom. If so, I guess that will show me that it *is* just the natural progression of things.
I guess I don't understand it. Yes, one's grandkids are part of your child... but only part. Meanwhile, your child is yours...created by you and your husband. They are 100% the two of you, not 1/4. Not that I am saying that is all that matters. It is really hard for me to explain what I am feeling. I just feel hurt that I matter very little to my Mom anymore. At one time I think she saw me as an equal to the kids. That was when my brother passed away, and she changed her will. Rather than split things in 1/2, she changed it to split things 1/3, making each of them my equal, rather than having them split my brother's 1/2.
The way things have progressed over the years, I really wouldn't be overly surprised if it went back to halves....without me included. I am not concerned about the actual "estate". My parents don't have much. It is just the symbolism of it all.
posted by Doxiehuahua at
Thursday, October 06, 2005
1 Comments:
I don't think it is the natural progression of things. I think your mom just lost such a 1/2 of her heart when your brother died that she over compensated trying to fill it with the kids and unintentionally is leaving you out thinking maybe Denise will understand.
Anyway, maybe I seem preoccupied but with one due anytime and just hearing about another coming it is a bit overwhelming right now.
Now something you said helps explain my point with "...she will put up with the crap because she is afraid that she won't see her grandkids." It isn't so much the grandkids thing because I won't see the one too much at all but you said it yourself "your child is yours...created by you and your husband. They are 100% the two of you, not 1/4." Jim is 100% and I hate to lose him.
Like our xmas is switching totally this year to money for the children as usual and limit of only 25 to each grandchild. Something grandma and grandpa did for years. It was 20 to gkids and token mittens. As the years went on the gkids were totally left off.
Now bdays might be different like a card to our kids and gift to gkids thing. But our bday relationship has been unusual anyway so don't see the impact of that. BTW you get an 'Ecard'.
Jeanette is a bit upset this year because she has graduated to the money spot for xmas and mom and dad are not totally supplying her gifts. Don't think Brian will be much of a gift giver so she has lost something.
Waiting for my every 3rd day call or the questions for Tuesday. Just wanted to pick up the phone and give you a hug but don't think you would like it at 3:20am. Jim is coming today and want to tell you about my dress, yes dress. Or get in your dern car and come visit or something.
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