A New Year Begins

This past weekend I turned 40. 40 sounds so old, but I don't see old when I look at myself. I still feel 25. I wonder if anyone ever sees themselves as old as they are, or if age is as old as we envision it. I suppose I am old in some aspects. I seem to have more aches and pains, and get tired sooner, but that could be just as much a result of my lack of physical fitness as age.

Back to my birthday....
My wonderful husband bought me a car for my birthday. A Camaro. Back when I first started driving 24 years ago, I wanted a Camaro. When I was younger, I couldn't afford one, as I got older, I had other things which were more important. It was one of those things I put off for when I was "older", perhaps retired. A sports car isn't as important when you are in your 30s as it is when you are in your teens. However, while I was waiting to get "older", or for it to be a priority, Chevrolet stopped making the camaro. It screams mid-life crisis, but it is really what I have wanted for nearly a 1/4 of a century. Yet something I probably would never have bought myself.

On Saturday we went to my inlaws' house for cake. I enjoyed myself there. It wasn't the birthday blow out bash that Joe had talked about for years. It was a low key family gathering, and honestly much more to my liking than a big bash. More important than the party itself, is my relationship with my mother-in-law. The fact that I have one. I always envied people who would talk about what a great relationship they had with their inlaws, how it was like having a second Mom and Dad. I supposed I have thought of my FIL as a Dad-like person in my life for a while. He is a big teddy bear sort of guy. Rough and tough on the outside but soft as a marshmallow on the inside. He is about the same age as my own Dad.

It hasn't been that way with my MIL. To start with, she is only 9 years older than me. We are closer in age than my husband and I are. It just isn't natural to see a woman young enough to be your sister or a friend as a mother figure. I don't think that is the reason we never had a good relationship, it is just another factor. A factor from my side of it. I don't know what the factors were on her side. All I know is that we didn't get along. For example, a few years ago my FIL went in the hospital and nobody called to tell us. A friend of hers IMed me to tell me long after the fact, and called me a bitch and such because that is what she heard from my MIL. So, to make a long story short, to say we didn't have a good relationship is probably an understatement, but I will leave it at that.

Things have changed this past year though. I don't really know what brought on the change. At first I was thinking it was all the drama surrounding Jim's wedding. We found a somewhat common bound there, but after some thought, I don't think it was the driving force. I think it may have helped to cement our relationship, but I don't think it is the root. However, I don't know what the root cause is. Things seemed to start to change during the holidays last year, and seemed to get better after Jeanette got pregnant. I suppose the reason doesn't matter. For the first time in my 8 years with Joe I feel like his family is my family too. Maybe it is just an effect of time, because recently for the first time Joe has started referring to my niece and nephew as his niece and nephew, so it isn't just me.

I still can't say I think of my MIL as a second mother. I think we are just too close in age for that to happen. But I do think of her as a friend, and I think that is better. I already have a mother, but a person can never have too many friends.

Happy Birthday Freddy

Happy 9th Birthday to my Freddy-bear!

Attention Whore

I was reading the comments posted to my last entry, and the "new" news was brought up. I guess the real news is that my future SIL is an attention whore. However, that isn't anything new, and probably doesn't qualify as news.

Nic(ass)hole has been trying to steal Jeanette's thunder from the beginning of her pregnancy. It has been very transparent.

Jeanette announced she was pregnant, then low and behold - so did
Nic(ass)hole. Then, seemingly moments later, she had a miscarriage. I don't believe she was actually ever pregnant, but the announcement served its purpose. It gave her attention when the spotlight was on Jeanette, and it lit a fire under Jim. The "happy couple" had been loosely talking about marriage, but once the baby drama happened, plans were made post-haste.

The attention whoring doesn't stop there. Jeanette's original due date was Nov. 1st. So, Nic(ass)hole set the date for her wedding, Oct 10th, just two weeks before. Coincidence? C'mon now! If you think having a wedding just two weeks before a baby is being born is a coincidence I have some beach front property to sell you in Kansas.

What more could this girl do to try to keep the spotlight on herself? Let me tell you!

She shows up at Jeanette's baby shower (a party to which she declined the invitation) and announces she is pregnant! Is she pregnant? Only time will tell, but let's assume for the moment she is. Wouldn't she still have been pregnant the following day? Following week? Was it necessary to make such an announcement on a special day we had reserved for Jeanette? For an attention-whore...of course it was!!

My prediction is she will have another "miscarriage" within a day or 2 of when Jeanette gives birth. Again, attempting to cause a shift of attention towards her. It is really the perfect plan. The baby is due in about 8 weeks. She won't be showing by that time, since she is a bit chubby and it usually takes longer to show. The perfect scenario.

Of course, the other possibility is that she really is expecting. If that is true, I think it is interesting to say the least. When Jeanette first became pregnant Nic(ass)hole had all sorts of nasty things to say. Things like Jeanette can't afford a baby, and is going to end up on welfare and she (Nicasshole) doesn't work hard to support people like her. And...didn't she ever hear of birth control?

I suppose money isn't an issue because her family will support her, but from what I understand Jim isn't really rolling in dough himself. We had to lend him money for gas to get back and forth to work just a few months ago, and just a couple of weeks ago, again he stated he didn't have money for gas. Such dire finances and now they are having a baby? Perhaps someone should ask her "Haven't you ever heard of birth control?"

Jeanette's shower

The baby shower was Saturday and for the most part, it was a success. The day was full, that if for sure.

First off, the shower was at 2 PM. I had placed an order for a cake and meat platter from Walmart, which was to be ready at 8 AM. I arrive to pick them up at 10:30 and my cake isn't done. I had ordered a 1/2 sheet, with a Winnie the Pooh design that said "Welcome Little One" with pink and blue edging. When I went to pick it up, I knew there was a problem when they came out and asked what the design was. I told them Winnie the Pooh. Then the brought out a cake that had Pooh on it and said "Have a nice day" and it had blue edging. Since my SIL thinks she is having a girl, this was not something I wanted.

When I told the girl that this wasn't the cake I ordered, she got really snotty with me. She told me that I didn't specify what Pooh cake I wanted when I ordered, which is a lie. I told them I was getting a cake for a baby shower. I took the page out of the cake book and showed her what my cake was supposed to look like. She said she could change the wording and then said "I suppose you want me to change the colors too?!" At that point I asked to talk to her manager. It was almost 3 hours after my cake was supposed to be done, here I was arguing with this woman, and the clock was ticking, I had a shower to get to. She told me I would have to wait to talk to a manager. I walked over to someone else and asked for a manager and I talked to the department manager on the phone, and told her what happened. She said they would get me a new cake and decorate it and I let her know she was just scrapping off what was there and redoing it. She told me she would take care of it., and I would get a new, freshly decorated cake.

When I went back to the bakery department, the woman was still redoing the first cake. She was making it really messy. When I said that I didn't order a cake a week ahead of time to get a crappy looking cake. The woman threw up her arms and said "I'm not going to deal with you anymore".

In the end, I got the cake I wanted and they only charged me for a 1/4 sheet, but I was disappointed that the department manager never came to address the situation in person. I just called now to do a follow up, and I spoke with the store assistant manager. Yes, they compensated me, but still that employee's behavior needs to be addressed.

About an hour before the shower started my BIL called and wanted to know what time the shower was. I was puzzled, since the excuse his fiance gave for not attending was that they were going to be at their pre-nup classes at church all day. (A lie?)

The shower itself was wonderful. We only had about 15 people show up, but that was OK. It made for a cozy situation, where people could just chat. I was looking forward to meeting the Brian's Aunt Nancy. We started emailing each other about a month ago after she got the invitation. She has a dachshund. She thought the shower was at my house and was disappointed because she wanted to meet the dogs in person (she has seen the pictures online). Of course, she brought me a picture of her little Megan to see.
=)

Just after we finished eating, the BIL and his douche bag showed up. I got so stressed I started breaking out in hives. He came in an handed me a gift. I thought it was for the mom-to-be, so I took it. Then I noticed the card and it was a gift for my birthday. I handed it back to him and said "Thanks, but I don't want anything from you." He walked over to his skank and said I wouldn't take it. They left next to my purse in the other room, but I wouldn't accept it. Later, he had one of his sisters put it in the car.

Jeanette opened her gifts, and got a lot of great stuff. People were very generous. I really hope that they were right about having a girl, or she will have the prettiest dressed boy ever born!

When it was all over,I wanted to stay for coffee but I wanted to leave because they were still there. I decided to stay anyway, because I didn't want to give them the power to ruin my day.

My future Skank-in-law was doing all she could to push my buttons. She was even inviting my sisters-in-laws to go to the party her father is having on the day of my 40th birthday party. I just ignored her and didn't give her the pleasure of a response.

Almost as soon as I got home the BIL called and talked to Joe. He told Joe he wanted me to open my gift because it was something he got me before all this stuff happened and he really wanted me to have it. He also told Joe he wanted to talk to him about things and asked him to meet him Sunday morning at 7 AM to go fishing. Against my advice, Joe agreed. To make Joe happy I opened my gift. Jim called back about an hour later to make sure I opened it, and to confirm that they were meeting at the fishing place at 7 AM.

In the morning, before Joe left at 6:30 I told him I would call first to make sure he was going to show up. He didn't want to call. At 7:30 Joe called me and told me he couldn't find Jim. Calls were made to his cell and home phone, with no answer. Joe then called his Mom to see if she had heard from him. She said that he called her at 6 am and said that he fell off his back porch and was at the hospital unconscious all night long. That he regained consciousness at 5:30 and he was on his way home to go meet Joe. I don't know if I really believe that story, as I am not sure that a hospital would release someone after coming to within 30 minutes, after being out "all night". My MIL told me she heard her in the background telling him he wasn't going, but Jim said he was.

Joe went to their house, and she answered the door. She told Joe that he wasn't going , and that he was at the hospital all night. She didn't let him in the house. Joe said he heard about the hospital and asked why they didn't call him to let him know he wasn't going to meet him. She answered back "Why would we call you, you are unreliable" Joe asked what she meant by that (since Joe is a very reliable person) and she said "You are unreliable and can't even be bothered to go to my wedding" (Notice she didn't say OUR wedding, but MY wedding....I think that says something)

I was against this entire thing. Joe was willing to go talk to his brother today and patch things up. He told me that if asked, he was even willing to be in the wedding again. I told him not to be taken in, that even if things were patched up, it would only last until he got back home. It didn't even get that far. Joe came home and emailed his brother telling him that as far as he is concerned, they are no longer brothers. That he is tired of the crap, and as long as she continues to disrespect the family and mouth off to people, he will never have a relationship, and he also told me that if he calls here to hang up on him.

I wish things could be different, but as long as he allows the douche bag to call the shots and run her mouth, things will never be different. If he hasn't grown a set of balls in 26 years, I don't think they are coming in.

Is blood thicker than money?

For the last 6 months or so, much of our family focus has been on the wedding of Joe's brother. Unfortunately, the focus has been more because of hurt feelings and selfish behavior than happiness.

Weddings are supposed to be about love, and a celebration of joining two families. However, in this case, it has been about two separate families. One gaining a "son" and one losing a son, brother and friend.

A few examples of things that have happened:
~For her shower she made demands about what some people had to bring, even though they were not giving the shower

~They threw a party, and only invited certain people, leaving out spouses. So much for setting a couple/family atmosphere!

~When the invitations were sent out, the grooms parents were not even mentioned. This added salt to the wounds, since he had a one time made up a story about his family being adopted and not really his own.

Some of the things were not wedding related, but just an example of how his family means nothing to the couple. His sister is expecting her first baby, and the bride couldn't be bothered to attend one of the two showers thrown, even though the mom-to-be took time off from work to attend her bridal shower.

And most recently, after offering their home for my 40th birthday, they decided to attend a pig roast her family is having instead

Joe was supposed to be in the wedding. I had written off his brother several weeks ago, and his bride months ago. Joe was a hold out. He and his brother had always been close. Joe considered him his best friend, so it made sense that he would try to see the good in him. That all ended yesterday when his brother wouldn't even answer the door when Joe went to the house to pick him up for plans they had.

Jim, the brother, had always been big into family. It is hard to believe how much he has changed, or why. I suppose it is rather complex, yet simple at the same time.

Jim has never had a strong personality. Although it is a big guy, he has always been a mouse of a man. Over time, perhaps blinded by the newness of wealth he has found with his "new" family, he has simply absorbed her personality. There was no blending of a couple, he just became the male version of her. Which is why there is no blending of families. He just became part of hers, and he sold his own up the river.

It is funny how money changes people. I am sure, that after growing up in a middle class family where things weren't always handed over, and at times you have to go without, new found wealth is much like a kid in a candy store. Since becoming one of them, he has had things just handed over for the first time in his life. When they needed new appliances, they were bought for them. When he had medical bills he couldn't pay himself, they were paid for him. When he wasn't happy with a stag party or rehearshal dinner, they forked over money to make it bigger and more lavish.

Perhaps some day he will learn that there are some things that are more important than money. Family being one of the more important things. It was something I thought he already knew. If he ever remembers, I think it will be too late because many bridges are being burned along the way as he is blinded by dollar signs.