All I Have To Do Is Dream...

I had a strange dream last night. The reason why is was strange, besides the disjointedness, is that there were a lot of unrelated things from my past in one dream. I am recording the dream mostly for my own "records" so for those reading this will be an entry you will probably want to skip, since it will be kind of boring for you. Feel free to continue, but you have been warned.

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The dream begins in a parking lot. Joe and I are in our truck, with the windows down. It is a sunny day of moderate temperature. The truck starts to roll forwards as Joe steps on the clutch to start the truck, towards the man (Donny Osmond) who is putting his shopping bags in the back of his mini-van.

"Joe! You almost hit Donny Osmond!" I shouted
Then I yelled "Happy Birthday Donny!!" (Donny Osmond's birthday is December 9th. Based on the weather, I don't think this dream was taking place in December. I think it was more like early spring, or late fall)

At that point Donny comes over and talks to us. Joe tells him that I have been a big fan for 17 years (I don't know why that number came up, because in reality I have been a fan since 1972, 32 years). Donny then invites me to spend the day with him, his sister Marie and his wife Debbie. I go with them, but it is a car I am in, not a van. Donny and Marie are in the front and Debbie and I sit in the backseat. We have a conversation, (but I don't recall what was said.)

In the next "scene" I am having a picnic with a bunch of people on a picnic table near the woods. A bear comes out of the woods (I have had a few encounters with bear in my life) and we all run to the front of the house (which is a house I have never seen in real life, but it has been in my dreams before). At the front of the house I continue taking to Donny, mostly about how I have followed his career. He thanks me for supporting him and his work for such a long time.

Next, I am in the house talking to my Mom. We are talking about death. I tell her that since I don't have children I am concerned that when I die I won't have family around to take care of the arrangements. I am very upset about this and start to cry. Mom tells me not to worry about that. That ends the conversation and I go in the other room and see a young Danny and Tiffany (kids my Mom used to babysit when I was in my early 20s). I talk with the kids about how the bear interrupted our lunch.

Next I am talking to Donny Osmond again. I tell him that I can recall certain acts from the Donny & Marie Show from the 1970s. I specifically recall how I enjoyed the Christmas show where he sang to his infant son. I sing a little of the song. I also recall him singing "C'mon Marianne" and tell him that I can remember he was wearing a white shirt and bright blue satin pants (Hey, it was the 70s). I tell him that to this day, when I hear certain songs, it brings back a memory of the show. He says that is because I taped the shows (which I did, on a cassette recorder, I still have the tapes). I am embarrassed that he knows I taped the shows.

"There were no VCRs back then." I say, just short of denying that I taped them

"I know" he replied "but I was just at your Grandmother's and I found your old tape recorder under the TV, with the mic next to the TV speaker. Then I saw the tapes."

"Yes, I taped them" I admit "But I haven't listened to them in 17 years" (again with the 17 years?) "I just remember the shows well."

He says "It seems important to you that I am aware you have been a fan for 17 years. It has been mentioned several times ." (I think it might have been mentioned during the car ride too)

I start to wonder if he also saw all my other stuff. My box of magazine articles and pictures I collected over the years, or all of the albums. Donny is clearly flattered that I have been such a devoted fan all these years, but I feel embarrassed that he knows.

He has to get going. Debbie is outside with the car waiting for him. As we walk towards the back door, Danny and Tiffany are there again. They are with a guy dressed with Mickey Mouse ears, and they are wearing Mickey Mouse ears. For some reason they seem to need money to pay this man. They ask Donny to paid for it, and he does. But he seems a little annoyed about it.

We go out and Donny and Debbie Osmond each give me a hug as they get ready to leave. Donny tells her I have been a fan for 17 years and she smiles at me. They leave. I start to head back in and Danny and Tiffany come running giving me screw top wine bottle caps and bubble gum cards. The smell of cheap bubble gum is very clear in this dream.

The dream ends.

Morning Thoughts

I got up this morning at 4:30 am. It was 17 degrees outside. One of the benefits of having such clear morning without to comfort of cloud cover to blanket the Earth and hold in her warmth is a magnificent view of the sky. Although the temperature was brisk I was overcome with a warmth of excitement as I looked up and recited the constellations. Some people go through life without ever looking up or enjoying the splendor of the heavens. Yet...it was cold, so I didn't stay out long.

It is now 8:15 am and the temperature has gone up to 20 degrees. I feel bad for my dogs out on their potty run. In this kind of cold, I can see their breath as it expels from their nostrils. The funny thing about the cold weather is it is all relative. In just a couple of short months the temperature will be much colder than it is today. Then one day it will warm up to 20 degrees and I will be thrilled for such warm weather.

The winter also makes me realize how lucky I am. With Thanksgiving just weeks away, I think the timing is appropriate for giving thanks that I am living in this time, and not earlier. I think of the Iroquois, who were the indigenous people of the area. They survived the upstate New York winters in their long houses, beside a fire, clothed in only doe skin. As I go out, in my thermal clothing and feel the moisture freeze inside my nose I wonder how they managed. As I complain about the high cost of heating fuel, I realize that is really a small price to pay to make it through the winter when in the past people paid the price of losing their lives because they didn't have such modern conveniences.

Driveway hit & run

Last Friday evening we were sitting in the living room and we heard a bang. I exclaimed "What was that?!" Joe says "Probably just the cats." The cats? The cats? Did we suddenly get lions?

I looked out the window and saw a tan Honda I never saw before pulling off of the bumper of our truck. I ran outside, waving my arms and yelling for the woman to stop, but she kept on going. I was already in my nightgown. Joe was in his boxers and a t-shirt. He just threw on hiking boots and ran out and jumped in the truck and followed the woman. Once she stopped she told him she didn't hit anything. She followed him back. Granted she didn't do a lot of damage, but I was fuming over the fact that this was a "hit and run" that happened in my own driveway.

This woman was picking up her daughter who was visiting our new next door neighbors. For some reason she decided to turn around in our driveway and apparently didn't notice the big blue Chevy 4x4 truck she drove into. Later she said that her mind was wandering and thinking about the fact that her power was off at her house. That is a scary thought, isn't it? She drove into a parked truck because her thoughts were distracted, and then she got on the road??

Anyway, once she saw that she did in fact hit the truck, she gave us her insurance information, but she said that she would call the company herself. The only thing that was damaged was the license plate frame. Not a big deal, except that it is a factory/dealer thing and as such will cost more to replace. She didn't want the police called. So, we took her information. Afterwards I decided to call the police to see if we needed to file a report. The police told us that if the damage was under $1000 they would not take a report. They also said that the woman would be better off just paying for the damage out of pocket. We didn't have her phone number so the police said they would call her directly.

Today is Thursday and we had not heard from the woman or her insurance company, so I called the insurance company myself. They had not heard from the woman either. So, I told them the whole story, right down to the fact that I doubted the damage would even equal her deductible. I also stressed that it was a hit and run. They said I should hear back from them in the next 3-4 days.

Oh, on a side note...Yesterday we saw the neighbor outside and she asked if we had heard from the hit and run lady. Then she told us that they had invited the daughter over again the other day, but the girl told them that her Mom said she wasn't allowed over there anymore because of the whacko neighbors!

When does life matter?

A recent discussion about hot topic issues such as abortion and stem cell research has brought me to this question:
Is there a certain moment in time when life matters?

Does a life have to be "viable" to matter? I think not. I say this as a Mother who never had a chance to hold a child. As a Mother who only knew "the baby" in the abstract. A Mother who lost that life. Yet, there are those who claim that a developing fetus is nothing more than a "bunch of cells". Perhaps that is what they have to believe to feel comfortable in taking that life when it suits their needs. Of course a Mother of a sick child will support that which will help her child. I suppose it is easier to view the life that is supplying her child with stem cells as a non-entity. Does that need give a person in that situation to belittle my experience? To belittle my love for my unborn? To belittle the existence of unborn children, lost before they took their first breath? There are few things that bring back pain and hurt long buried than someone trying to take away the only "life" I created.